dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
