I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
