I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize