he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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