I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
