Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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