I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
