this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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