I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
