did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
