He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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