sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
