Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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