Walk of Shame. In a state park.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
