I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
