Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
