I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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