So drunk its hurt
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
