Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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