I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
