I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
