"it" just moved
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Houston, we have a blender
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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