i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
