Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
