you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
