You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
