I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
