why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
