Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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