So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
