I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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