He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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