Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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