i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
