Don't you send me to vm
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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