Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
