i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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