Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
