do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
