I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
