hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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