He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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