I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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