one two three fourrrrnication!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
