I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize