it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Randomize