I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
