I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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