I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
