Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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