I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
