where am i from again
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
