my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
