guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I skipped work to stalk him.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
