broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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