I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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