you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
