I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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