I should be sponsored by Trojan
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
