i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
