Soap is not a condiment
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
