So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
