You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
