i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
