One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i think i just lost a toe
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
