My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
