Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
