Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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