So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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