We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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