Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
