i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
