Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
