why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Randomize
