She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
