It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
